The Double Call by LunarExplosion
Operator: Thank you for calling 911, what is your emergency?
Caller: Yes, um... Everyone's dead. Definitely not breathing! I can't feel a pulse.
Operator: Ma'am, I need you to calm down.
Caller: I can't feel a fucking pulse!
Operator: Ma'am, I need you to calm down and tell me the situation.
Caller: "Situation"...?! I... I'm not in a fucking "situation", I didn't do it!
Operator: I meant the situation with the victims, ma'am.
Caller: Oh, uh... They're not breathing, and I can't hear their heartbeats. They're all blue and swollen.
Operator: Ma'am, can you please give me a body count?
Caller: Seven are dead.
Operator: I'm sending a squad car over to your location, I'm just gonna-
Caller: No no no! I mean.. I don't need help right now! I still need to clean up.
Operator: Ma'am, if there is a crime scene, please do not contaminate it.
Caller: I do what I want, bitch.
Caller: Sorry. My tongue slipped.
Operator: Okay, now I just need to know your location-
Caller: I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING GIVE MY LOCATION YOU LITTLE CUNT! I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU LIKE I KILLED THEM YOU LITTLE GODDAMN WHORE! I'm... Sorry, I...
Operator: Ma'am...? Ma'am? That sounded pretty sketchy. Unit 447, I'm gonna send you the coordinates of the caller.
*phone rings, operator picks up*
Caller: *heavy breathing*
Operator: This is 911, how can I help you?
Caller: Okay, well I accidentally pushed a red button... Sorry about that. I wasn't hiding anything before. There's no problem. *giggling* N-No worries!
Caller: YOU FUCKING PIG, DID YOU CALL THE LITTLE BITCHES ON ME?! I'LL TEAR YOUR GODDAMN HEART OUT AND EAT IT LIKE.. ELMER'S GLUE! Sorry... You shouldn't eat Elmer's glue.
Caller: YIPPEE KI YAY, MOTHERFUCKERS!
*gunshots and the laughter of a ten-year-old girl goes on for several minutes*
Caller: *gasping and heavy breathing* I'm sorry...